My brain was having a difficult time jump starting today, so I turned to this site for a writing prompt.

Coincidentally, the idea happened to coincide a bit with what was already going on in my head -- only it was much more beneficial. It was phrased as a question; as something I could respond to rather than just think about, fall underneath, and drown in.

What would you like to be remembered for?

At one point in my life I wanted to be a world-shattering psychologist. I was interested in getting my phd from a prestigious university (primary emphasis on autism and elective mutism), working at a reknowned psychological hospital, and discovering a cure for autistics.

I've had these ideas in my head that autism is not so different from multiple personality; that there is a high element of dissocation involved that nobody is addressing (this was a particularly revolutionary approach back in the days when I wanted to do this).

I wanted to be remembered for being a woman who changed the face of psychiatric history. I wanted to help people; to provide a cure -- an answer -- to help ease the hurting and sadness so many parents and families live with.

I wanted to be an activist. I wanted to go to jail for a hundred different environmental causes, I wanted to tie myself to redwoods. I wanted to ride the Rainbow Warrior and fight whaling wars off the coasts of Japan.

I wanted to be willing to die for a cause. I wanted to be willing to give up everything and follow my heart.

What would you like to be remembered for?

I want to be someone who makes a difference. Whether it is in a famous hospital or on a Greenpeace ship, or within the walls of my own home, I want people to be better for having known me. I want to impact people with my life; with my story -- I want to change the way others see the world.

I want to be someone who loved her child so much that nobody ever doubted it. I want my little girl to learn what it means to be strong, to be independent, to be tender and brave and full of heart and courage. I want her to look at me and see those things. I want her to know who she is -- in the face of other people's confrontation, and in the quiet doubtings of her own inner self. I want her to never question that she is inmeasurably precious.

I want to be someone who has fully lived. I don't want to take short cuts or easy routes. I don't want to miss experiences simply because I am too emotionally vulnerable, I don't want to create them because I make things more difficult than they really are. I want to walk barefoot, jump in puddles with my daughter, and wear my hair down my back more often than in a ponytail. I want to have no regrets at the end of my life -- no wish of things that I could have done, but didn't.

In this world of fast paced living, fast food, 15 minute oil changes, and isolation, I want to slow down and notice things. I want to feel my breath, to feel the wind on my face, to savour every moment as a gift.

In the end, it isn't as much what I want to be remembered  for as it is for being remembered at all.

I hope, in the end, you remember me.